Elisheva (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elisheva_m) wrote2024-03-06 09:08 am
elisheva_m) wrote2024-03-06 09:08 am
(no subject)
have given up trying to find a place to talk about Thai series with other English-speakers, made my own but it's not reasonable to expect anyone to find it.... had to leave the space where i could talk about BL because there's so much love for abusive characters and relationships, and willingness to excuse it all. someone starting a relationship or staying with an abusive partner is not a happy ending and the trope of being the one to change an abusive partner is an incredibly dangerous lie with real life consequences for women and when i try to talk about this, the BL crowd doesn't want to know. they're happy to ignore what i've said and pretend it's nothing more than my personal trigger.
this site has been lonely for me too. i haven't been able to find anyone i click with. one person i share a nominal interest with but we approach it so differently and she's just repeats herself as if i didn't understand her point of view so it's not like we can use these different points of view for a conversation. sometimes it's a place to shout into the void, to get things out of my head without hammering home my isolation the way a physical journal does. tricky how minds work, we're not evolved for these kinds of spaces so i can use that, even when i know it will never be read by anyone other than myself.
i opened the account because i liked a daft story i was writing enough i wanted to share it with someone and sending a blog link is easy. she's the only one who's read it. i sent the link to carefully chosen others, sometimes because it fits with things they're interested in, and they were seeking out things to read. sometimes because they offered ideas or information for bits of it. that was back when it was less than 7000 words. it wouldn't have taken much time.
writing is like love. when you're immersed in it you find its quirks endearing. and maybe by the time things change, there's something worth keeping. no one's ever found my good points worth the bother of my shite health or thought i was worth keeping except in some vague someone else will do it abstract kind of way. circumstances forced me to lose immersion in the world i imagined and now i see that what i've written is only worth keeping because i don't have the energy to grieve deleting it.
real life is lonely. just getting myself anywhere takes so much of my energy i don't have enough left to be social, let alone make friends. i don't fit in with my neighbours, their politics or their gossip. they always leave it to me to seek them out too. even though they know i'm ill and know i have no one. or maybe that's why.
i'm taking more and more breaks from the only social media i have left. it's depleting to care over and over again about things in other people's lives and receive little in return. my life just isn't interesting enough to earn much attention so i'm reliant on the kindness behind three social media friendships which aren't strong enough to bear that weight.
this isn't depression. i've been there and understand what that's like. this is an acknowledgement of impossible circumstances in a world where everyone is caught up in their own struggles and too stressed to take care of more than their own already established circles. i have to find a way to make it through the rest of my life. at some point i'll decline enough i qualify for 20 minutes of care a day. i am so exhausted.
this site has been lonely for me too. i haven't been able to find anyone i click with. one person i share a nominal interest with but we approach it so differently and she's just repeats herself as if i didn't understand her point of view so it's not like we can use these different points of view for a conversation. sometimes it's a place to shout into the void, to get things out of my head without hammering home my isolation the way a physical journal does. tricky how minds work, we're not evolved for these kinds of spaces so i can use that, even when i know it will never be read by anyone other than myself.
i opened the account because i liked a daft story i was writing enough i wanted to share it with someone and sending a blog link is easy. she's the only one who's read it. i sent the link to carefully chosen others, sometimes because it fits with things they're interested in, and they were seeking out things to read. sometimes because they offered ideas or information for bits of it. that was back when it was less than 7000 words. it wouldn't have taken much time.
writing is like love. when you're immersed in it you find its quirks endearing. and maybe by the time things change, there's something worth keeping. no one's ever found my good points worth the bother of my shite health or thought i was worth keeping except in some vague someone else will do it abstract kind of way. circumstances forced me to lose immersion in the world i imagined and now i see that what i've written is only worth keeping because i don't have the energy to grieve deleting it.
real life is lonely. just getting myself anywhere takes so much of my energy i don't have enough left to be social, let alone make friends. i don't fit in with my neighbours, their politics or their gossip. they always leave it to me to seek them out too. even though they know i'm ill and know i have no one. or maybe that's why.
i'm taking more and more breaks from the only social media i have left. it's depleting to care over and over again about things in other people's lives and receive little in return. my life just isn't interesting enough to earn much attention so i'm reliant on the kindness behind three social media friendships which aren't strong enough to bear that weight.
this isn't depression. i've been there and understand what that's like. this is an acknowledgement of impossible circumstances in a world where everyone is caught up in their own struggles and too stressed to take care of more than their own already established circles. i have to find a way to make it through the rest of my life. at some point i'll decline enough i qualify for 20 minutes of care a day. i am so exhausted.
no subject
Casting otherwise het bodice rippers etc with handsome young men only further normalises and romanticises abusive dynamics by disguising the gendered aspect of it and giving it a 'happy' ending. I'm not going to excuse that as kink or fantasy, not when it's aired on a major mainstream television network. The real world consequences of these tropes, whether in het or BL, are too severe for those trapped in abusive relationships.
no subject
I sometimes find myself in an odd 'two hat' dance. I don't agree with this shit at all - as said, I don't watch most romances of any type but certainly not this and I'll engage in almost any discussion I run across that attempts to 'explain away' this content - but if someone says in passing it's their fantasy then I'm not going to engage with their post at all, just like I'll scroll past those stories on AO3.
I love a Cdrama called Miss Truth for its mysteries and references to Ancient Chinese pathology (the first texts on it were written in China) but also for the Beatrice and Benedick type sparring between one of the MLs and the FL. Meanwhile, a mate who watched it disliked it intensely because of the Beatrice & Benedick relationship which disturbed her unlike the way it had entertained me.
no subject
no subject
I have seen Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwanese I believe?) which again, is not widely viewed/popular on DW at least. I didn't like the lead pairing but had a bit of a soft spot for the second and for the barely there on screen third pairing. The third because it's from an older time before gay marriage was legal in Taiwan, the first Asian country to make it legal. The second pairing has problems but they are acknowledged within the text itself.
In terms of Taiwanese dramas, I love HIStory3: Trapped but don't care for any of the other HIStory series, most of which are way too dodgy for me and unlike HIStory3 almost totally romanced centred.
You are always free to talk to me/disagree with me about your opinion on anything I love and that's the attitude of most of my mates as well. My DW circle is, shall we say, curated and that's one of the reasons for it.