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"Close" (starker)
30 Dec 2023 12:37 amA short story. Comments welcome.
This is a partial return to an earlier, starker version. Something has been lost in adding more detail.
Now that I've had some time away from this story, I find something very curious each time I come back to it - my experience of reading it is markedly different on first and third re-readings. Somehow something shifts, like I'm settling into the rhythm of this part of their lives.
Two men enter an abandoned industrial building. One leans heavily on the other, unable to bear his weight on an injured leg.
The other man looks around and sees stairs in the corner. "Over there." He keeps his voice low. Together they make their way across the floor and slowly climb.
He guides his companion to a closed off area on the upper floor and helps him sit. The injured man grimaces in pain but remains silent.
"Wait here. I'll find somewhere more secure." He leaves the space and walks warily around the open area, scanning the room, all shadows and the white blue glare of industrial lighting filtering through the grime on the windows. He picks up a metal pipe.
In a dark corner he spots a ladder bolted onto the wall. Some rungs are damaged by rust but he finds enough are sound he can climb to a hatch in the ceiling.
The hatch sticks briefly before it opens. Two more rungs and he's able to look around the space above it. The only light comes through vented windows. The air is stale and close but it will do. He lays the pipe on the attic floor.
He gingerly makes his way back down and across the open area to his companion. "Come," he says. "One more push and you can rest." He kneels next to him and puts an arm under his shoulders to help him stand. The injured man nods weakly, then leans against him for a moment before rising.
"It's in that corner." The healthy man nods in the direction they need to go. "You can do it." They cross to the ladder, their progress slowed as they negotiate their way around accumulated debris. "Up there. We'll be safe." Then, "lean against me. I'll brace you." He moves behind the injured man. They both take hold of the ladder. The injured man hauls himself up, rung by rung, his companion steadying and lifting him.
A rusted rung gives way. "I've got you," he says.
"Won't be doing that again," the injured man pants as they complete their climb and he collapses on the floor of the attic.
His companion holds onto him. "We'll be ok," he whispers.
( continued )
This is a partial return to an earlier, starker version. Something has been lost in adding more detail.
Now that I've had some time away from this story, I find something very curious each time I come back to it - my experience of reading it is markedly different on first and third re-readings. Somehow something shifts, like I'm settling into the rhythm of this part of their lives.
Two men enter an abandoned industrial building. One leans heavily on the other, unable to bear his weight on an injured leg.
The other man looks around and sees stairs in the corner. "Over there." He keeps his voice low. Together they make their way across the floor and slowly climb.
He guides his companion to a closed off area on the upper floor and helps him sit. The injured man grimaces in pain but remains silent.
"Wait here. I'll find somewhere more secure." He leaves the space and walks warily around the open area, scanning the room, all shadows and the white blue glare of industrial lighting filtering through the grime on the windows. He picks up a metal pipe.
In a dark corner he spots a ladder bolted onto the wall. Some rungs are damaged by rust but he finds enough are sound he can climb to a hatch in the ceiling.
The hatch sticks briefly before it opens. Two more rungs and he's able to look around the space above it. The only light comes through vented windows. The air is stale and close but it will do. He lays the pipe on the attic floor.
He gingerly makes his way back down and across the open area to his companion. "Come," he says. "One more push and you can rest." He kneels next to him and puts an arm under his shoulders to help him stand. The injured man nods weakly, then leans against him for a moment before rising.
"It's in that corner." The healthy man nods in the direction they need to go. "You can do it." They cross to the ladder, their progress slowed as they negotiate their way around accumulated debris. "Up there. We'll be safe." Then, "lean against me. I'll brace you." He moves behind the injured man. They both take hold of the ladder. The injured man hauls himself up, rung by rung, his companion steadying and lifting him.
A rusted rung gives way. "I've got you," he says.
"Won't be doing that again," the injured man pants as they complete their climb and he collapses on the floor of the attic.
His companion holds onto him. "We'll be ok," he whispers.
( continued )
