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finally realised why i've been crying on and off all day
i'd forgotten what hope feels like
thank you Thailand รักนะ
i'd forgotten what hope feels like
thank you Thailand รักนะ
Khun Chai (To Sir, With Love)
14 Mar 2024 09:51 pmThis was so much fun. My first full-on proper lakorn and I don't know if I just got lucky in seeing a rec for an especially good one or if lakorns are my kind of drama after all :) Two hours after finishing it and I'm still buzzing and want to tell everyone to watch it. To set aside their prejudices and settle into its way of telling its story. It has a different flavour in delivering its tension than dramas from other countries and it's very much to my liking.
Either way, I am really loving Thai telly and how they tell their stories.
Maybe tomorrow I'll find reviews somewhere other than MDL where it's all seen through the lens of the romance between men. That part was great, but it was so much more. The found family within the Family, the bond between the brothers, the plucky adorable het romance, so many complicated, interesting, determined older women - all the women and their different ways of manifesting strength and negotiating the cultural sexism of their circumstances. This was their story. For all that our own cultural sexism means it was framed in terms of men and gay romance, this is a story about women.
On one31 with English subs.
Either way, I am really loving Thai telly and how they tell their stories.
Maybe tomorrow I'll find reviews somewhere other than MDL where it's all seen through the lens of the romance between men. That part was great, but it was so much more. The found family within the Family, the bond between the brothers, the plucky adorable het romance, so many complicated, interesting, determined older women - all the women and their different ways of manifesting strength and negotiating the cultural sexism of their circumstances. This was their story. For all that our own cultural sexism means it was framed in terms of men and gay romance, this is a story about women.
On one31 with English subs.
"Close" (starker)
30 Dec 2023 12:37 amA short story. Comments welcome.
This is a partial return to an earlier, starker version. Something has been lost in adding more detail.
Now that I've had some time away from this story, I find something very curious each time I come back to it - my experience of reading it is markedly different on first and third re-readings. Somehow something shifts, like I'm settling into the rhythm of this part of their lives.
Two men enter an abandoned industrial building. One leans heavily on the other, unable to bear his weight on an injured leg.
The other man looks around and sees stairs in the corner. "Over there." He keeps his voice low. Together they make their way across the floor and slowly climb.
He guides his companion to a closed off area on the upper floor and helps him sit. The injured man grimaces in pain but remains silent.
"Wait here. I'll find somewhere more secure." He leaves the space and walks warily around the open area, scanning the room, all shadows and the white blue glare of industrial lighting filtering through the grime on the windows. He picks up a metal pipe.
In a dark corner he spots a ladder bolted onto the wall. Some rungs are damaged by rust but he finds enough are sound he can climb to a hatch in the ceiling.
The hatch sticks briefly before it opens. Two more rungs and he's able to look around the space above it. The only light comes through vented windows. The air is stale and close but it will do. He lays the pipe on the attic floor.
He gingerly makes his way back down and across the open area to his companion. "Come," he says. "One more push and you can rest." He kneels next to him and puts an arm under his shoulders to help him stand. The injured man nods weakly, then leans against him for a moment before rising.
"It's in that corner." The healthy man nods in the direction they need to go. "You can do it." They cross to the ladder, their progress slowed as they negotiate their way around accumulated debris. "Up there. We'll be safe." Then, "lean against me. I'll brace you." He moves behind the injured man. They both take hold of the ladder. The injured man hauls himself up, rung by rung, his companion steadying and lifting him.
A rusted rung gives way. "I've got you," he says.
"Won't be doing that again," the injured man pants as they complete their climb and he collapses on the floor of the attic.
His companion holds onto him. "We'll be ok," he whispers.
( continued )
This is a partial return to an earlier, starker version. Something has been lost in adding more detail.
Now that I've had some time away from this story, I find something very curious each time I come back to it - my experience of reading it is markedly different on first and third re-readings. Somehow something shifts, like I'm settling into the rhythm of this part of their lives.
Two men enter an abandoned industrial building. One leans heavily on the other, unable to bear his weight on an injured leg.
The other man looks around and sees stairs in the corner. "Over there." He keeps his voice low. Together they make their way across the floor and slowly climb.
He guides his companion to a closed off area on the upper floor and helps him sit. The injured man grimaces in pain but remains silent.
"Wait here. I'll find somewhere more secure." He leaves the space and walks warily around the open area, scanning the room, all shadows and the white blue glare of industrial lighting filtering through the grime on the windows. He picks up a metal pipe.
In a dark corner he spots a ladder bolted onto the wall. Some rungs are damaged by rust but he finds enough are sound he can climb to a hatch in the ceiling.
The hatch sticks briefly before it opens. Two more rungs and he's able to look around the space above it. The only light comes through vented windows. The air is stale and close but it will do. He lays the pipe on the attic floor.
He gingerly makes his way back down and across the open area to his companion. "Come," he says. "One more push and you can rest." He kneels next to him and puts an arm under his shoulders to help him stand. The injured man nods weakly, then leans against him for a moment before rising.
"It's in that corner." The healthy man nods in the direction they need to go. "You can do it." They cross to the ladder, their progress slowed as they negotiate their way around accumulated debris. "Up there. We'll be safe." Then, "lean against me. I'll brace you." He moves behind the injured man. They both take hold of the ladder. The injured man hauls himself up, rung by rung, his companion steadying and lifting him.
A rusted rung gives way. "I've got you," he says.
"Won't be doing that again," the injured man pants as they complete their climb and he collapses on the floor of the attic.
His companion holds onto him. "We'll be ok," he whispers.
( continued )
Why BL? An intro post
3 Nov 2023 03:04 pmOn one level, it's pretty simple. Love is love and a good story is a good story. Doesn't need to be more complicated than that.
Except it also is, and for me it's more about what there is and isn't in mainstream series.
Speaking generally, mainstream dramas tend to lean into the addictive nature of stress to gain and keep viewers, while BL ("boys love") and youth series tend to be better at mitigating the stressful moments of their plots. Stronger friend networks and found family are more common. And the boys play, even the older ones who have become young men, spontaneous moments of confidence, friendship and freedom.
So the reason why I keep ending up back in BL, and back with Thai series, is that real life is stressful enough and I'd rather spend my time with characters who are helping each other.
BL has a few additional things baked in. Acceptance, and especially self-acceptance, are very natural aspects of characterisation and development. And while it's difficult for het story lines to get away from sexism, BL can at least park that away from the main couple. Not that it always does of course.
The respite from romanticised sexism has left me even more attuned to it in het stories. Will we ever move on from that? Sexism, especially when it's romanticised, complicates my feelings and can set off deeply-rooted insecurities, especially when the women found worthy of love are presented as being extraordinary in some way. (And double yikes if it's in GL too.) It's easier for me to simply be present with the emotions of the story when the characters are gay men, and the men are allowed to be ordinary. Because that's the way it should be for everyone.
So these things are all true for me: The genre I never get far from is known as BL but in my mind it's just stories where some of the characters are gay and, for the most part, they live in a gentler, kinder corner of the world than a lot of LGBTQ+ fiction. I don't care if the protagonists are gay or straight or ambidextrous but I also do. It's still something special, but it's also completely, thoroughly and utterly normal, like when I send the story I make up cheer myself up to an online friend and don't think to mention that the characters are gay. Because of course they are, like you wouldn't think to say, oh hey, these characters are straight.
And the ex-youth worker in me will always cheer them on as they find their place in the world, even when they're as old as Uncle Jim.
I'd really like for these positive aspects of BL to have a greater place in mainstream stories. I'd like to think that there would be an audience for it, that I'm not the only one who watches BL for the strength of the support networks, for the break from romanticised sexism, for their kindness.
We don't have to stay in thrall to the addictive nature of stress. We can tell stories that thrive with acceptance, respect, support and love. It's how we're meant to be.
Addendum: Why the two stories I've written, and various half-started ideas, are BL or gay men - Somewhere along the way watching more BL and GL than het has reset my conditioned assumptions. Instead of assuming characters are straight unless specified differently, it's become normal for me to assume they're gay or lesbian unless specified bi/pan or het. So that's my default when characters introduce themselves to me.
The first BL story I wrote is the kind of low stakes, endlessly playful story with good friendships, healthy relationships and found family I'd love to see. My "series which will never be made" to cheer myself up. I don't know that I'll ever get there, but ideally I'd like to become able to use what I learn through writing same sex-orientated stories to write het ones as well, as free as I can manage from the sexism and romanticised sexism we're so accustomed to in straight fiction -- the kind of het stories I would love to read. Even if I don't get there, it's a way of continuing to reset from cultural norms to something more balanced.
Except it also is, and for me it's more about what there is and isn't in mainstream series.
Speaking generally, mainstream dramas tend to lean into the addictive nature of stress to gain and keep viewers, while BL ("boys love") and youth series tend to be better at mitigating the stressful moments of their plots. Stronger friend networks and found family are more common. And the boys play, even the older ones who have become young men, spontaneous moments of confidence, friendship and freedom.
So the reason why I keep ending up back in BL, and back with Thai series, is that real life is stressful enough and I'd rather spend my time with characters who are helping each other.
BL has a few additional things baked in. Acceptance, and especially self-acceptance, are very natural aspects of characterisation and development. And while it's difficult for het story lines to get away from sexism, BL can at least park that away from the main couple. Not that it always does of course.
The respite from romanticised sexism has left me even more attuned to it in het stories. Will we ever move on from that? Sexism, especially when it's romanticised, complicates my feelings and can set off deeply-rooted insecurities, especially when the women found worthy of love are presented as being extraordinary in some way. (And double yikes if it's in GL too.) It's easier for me to simply be present with the emotions of the story when the characters are gay men, and the men are allowed to be ordinary. Because that's the way it should be for everyone.
So these things are all true for me: The genre I never get far from is known as BL but in my mind it's just stories where some of the characters are gay and, for the most part, they live in a gentler, kinder corner of the world than a lot of LGBTQ+ fiction. I don't care if the protagonists are gay or straight or ambidextrous but I also do. It's still something special, but it's also completely, thoroughly and utterly normal, like when I send the story I make up cheer myself up to an online friend and don't think to mention that the characters are gay. Because of course they are, like you wouldn't think to say, oh hey, these characters are straight.
And the ex-youth worker in me will always cheer them on as they find their place in the world, even when they're as old as Uncle Jim.
I'd really like for these positive aspects of BL to have a greater place in mainstream stories. I'd like to think that there would be an audience for it, that I'm not the only one who watches BL for the strength of the support networks, for the break from romanticised sexism, for their kindness.
We don't have to stay in thrall to the addictive nature of stress. We can tell stories that thrive with acceptance, respect, support and love. It's how we're meant to be.
Addendum: Why the two stories I've written, and various half-started ideas, are BL or gay men - Somewhere along the way watching more BL and GL than het has reset my conditioned assumptions. Instead of assuming characters are straight unless specified differently, it's become normal for me to assume they're gay or lesbian unless specified bi/pan or het. So that's my default when characters introduce themselves to me.
The first BL story I wrote is the kind of low stakes, endlessly playful story with good friendships, healthy relationships and found family I'd love to see. My "series which will never be made" to cheer myself up. I don't know that I'll ever get there, but ideally I'd like to become able to use what I learn through writing same sex-orientated stories to write het ones as well, as free as I can manage from the sexism and romanticised sexism we're so accustomed to in straight fiction -- the kind of het stories I would love to read. Even if I don't get there, it's a way of continuing to reset from cultural norms to something more balanced.
